I Was Playing Out My Script

Marilyn L. Redmond
Apr 17
8 min read

For without passing through each and every stage of development there is not the correct vibration to become one with the Creator. - Edgar Cayce

I was looking for help and my life changed forever. I did not understand that I was living in domestic violence during the 30 years of my marriage. I finally ended up at the office of a psychiatrist for anxiety. In the 70's Valium was the typical pill prescribed. My inquisitiveness began when I became addicted to the medication. My search for answers opened up Pandora's Box. In treatment, I found that mind and mood medications combined with alcohol are six time the effect and inhibit my real recovery.

I found many layers to my story. In my current life, I was raised in a family of domestic violence with mental illness; it was familiar to me. At the age of three, I watched my father beat my mother, Later, I realized that I emotionally shut down and just walked through life in a fog of denial and abandonment as the feelings were subconsciously deeply stuffed to survive.

I married a fellow music student while we were in college. The first time he strangled me, I was numb and thought that was the end of me. Strange stars and lights filled my head. I did not think I would come out of it. I was unaware of how this trauma was an indication, of more to come. 'Emotionally so young, I was afraid to go out on my own with a small child. Later I realized that my husband and I had a similar history, like attracts like, His family was also in domestic violence, addiction, mental illness, and rageaholic,.

In the next assault, my husband raped me. In my detaching from these events, I looked good as a teacher with 7 years of college; I received yearly superior reports on my abilities in the classroom. Teaching each day was my safe haven, and then I had to go home each night as it progressed into more abuse,

My husband tried to kill me many times. I tried suicide several times to get out of the situation.

In one attempt, my pills were the way out. I made a few phone calls, but I was not looking for help or someone to save me. I wanted to die. However, my six angels showed up and put a silk rope around my arms so I could not take any more pills. I was told to go home and sleep off the effects. One of these angels was Archangel Michal he told me later, when my vibrations were in a higher frequency.

I have almost died 13 times. Another time, my husband tried to kill me. He was in a rage and I was corned in a bedroom. I saw myself as another Nicole Simpson as I stood in total terror and traumatized. I knew I would not get out of the room alive.

Suddenly, time stopped. I heard the voice of God tell me several things. Ultimately, I heard to pray for him and say "God, forgive him, for he knows not what he does". Since I did not hear more instructions, I prayed it, again. This time I heard the voice say that I now could leave the room. This was puzzling to me. The room was small, and I had to walk right past him to leave. As this did not seem safe to me, I asked for help. My angels came and surrounded me as I walked out the door past him with angels surrounding him. The look on his face was indescribable.

He walked down the hall to watch television and I went in the other direction. He never touched me again. I realized that when you send love, it is like an armor deflecting projected anger. I began praying for him until I could leave my marriage with a restraining order and divorce papers.

I still did not understand he was not only an alcoholic. The last of many episodes in this life came when we were leaving Harrison Hot Springs from a vacation to celebrate that he had not drank for three weeks and life had improved. He wanted to celebrate our trip and started drinking. His anger rose. Later I realized it was about my attire for the evening. His fury lasted throughout our dreadful evening of dinner and dancing in the resort nightclub. I headed back to our room. . Deciding to start packing as we were leaving in the morning, I was trying not to participate. This further upset his plans.

His irrational decision was to leave right now, at 2:00 AM and check out. He told me I could not get out of the car until we reached our home. I was not going to be left in a foreign country on my own, so I agreed. Our psychiatrist told me later that he had the behaviors of a psychopath, alcoholic, sex addict, and rageaholic.

After three almost head on collisions from his erratic driving heading for the border crossing, in deep anxiety, I cried to God," Please help me, I do not want to die" Within minutes, he pulled over to the shoulder of Highway One and passed out over the wheel. I decided to get out at the border. He had given me grocery money at dinner, so I thought I could use that to get home. However, He would not let me out of the car.

When we stopped for coffee, just south of the border, I left a note at the cash register. In my anguish, it felt like someone else was writing a rescue message for me. Five police cars showed up. As I was talking to them, he got into my purse and took back the cash he gave me at dinner. I was stranded at Sumas, Washington with no funds. Fortunately, the police let me call my son to rescue me and take me to stay with my minister's family until he moved out on the advice of my lawyer.

A few days later, God put me into treatment for co-dependency and addiction to prescriptions in response to my prayer. I finally got answers and information. In treatment, the patients meditate and find a spiritual path. Learning from 12 step programs, I found that I have to get to the origin of the issue. This sparked my insatiably curiosity of how did I get into such a predicament.

Now with over many years in a relationship of unconditional love with a caring man, I finally had an environment of being totally safe, I could be free to trust my inner search. Having the ability to dig deeper until I finally found the beginning of my domestic violence.

Over time, I discovered many past lives and emotional layers. My first discovery was that I had a death wish. Then with years of learning to forgive him and pray for my husband, I found that his childhood was so desperate and traumatic he was acting out his anger on me. Then I found several past lives as a monk and I was killed for copying sacred texts for posterity. The truth frightened the town's people thousands of years ago.

In another past life, I found myself in The Corps of Discovery as Sacagawea and my husband was Charbonneau. I was his slave who could translate the Indian languages for Lewis and Clark. He had a horrible anger problem and I was terribly beaten. In spirit, Meriwether Lewis offered to help me heal from the trauma in another lifetime. In this existence, we visited Fort Clatsop in Oregon, several times, so I could feel and heal my buried emotions. My fellows' stability over the last twenty-six years, has allowed me to grow beyond the domestic violence.

Subsequently, my ex-husband came to me in spirit, after our divorce and he was alive in another state and told me, how much he loved me for him to play that part. I needed the attacks to play out my script that included having a death wish. No one else in our soul group, he told me, would volunteer, so he at last decided to play that part for me. In addition, we had three prior past life marriages of domestic violence I never fought back for some reason I very deeply knew that would make matters worse. I was told from spirit that this was the lifetime to resolve the domestic violence.

I have almost died 13 times. In the many layers, I found that angels, Archangel Michael, or God showed up stopping my demise, it was not my time yet. I kept looking deeper and finally realized that I had a past life, over 2000 years ago, from which my death wish originated. Subsequently I found many other past lives where I had been killed. I realized that I was attracting my own death.

My first life on the planet was as a child about 3 years old living in a cave in a desert area with barely a cloth to keep warm, looking for twigs to stay warm, looking for berries to eat, no animals, no people, and so lonely that I wanted to die. I was told in meditation that this is the life, where I could end that death wish.

I am not needy in this life for food, warmth, clothing, people, or finances; I am not deprived, lonely, without food, etc., today. I do not want to die. However, I found that I needed to heal the emotional part of every feeling. Recently, in meditation I was able to resolve the depts. of my excessive loneliness and abandonment. I felt free.

I found how I had perpetuated the domestic violence while reading "A Course in Miracles" four times. Realizing that I was always trying to defend myself subconsciously, from all his physical assaults was huge. No one sees the subconscious defense that instigates the visible assaults. He was trying to defend himself visually, to my unconscious attacks. It was a passive aggressive game. I had attracted him to carry out my script that I wanted to die.

I did not know I was attacking him. He played the part for me to find that I was projecting my defensiveness that felt like an attack and it was coming back to me. I just wanted to be safe, and unknowingly was continuing the war by my inner deep emotions defending myself. When I started sending love, health, wellbeing in prayers to him, the slate gradually cleared and I found compassion for his harrowing growing up. . Once more, he had given up his life for my spiritual growth.

My insatiable curiosities lead me to investigate the trail leading me from my difficult and traumatic life into a new life style that is today incredible. Each episode brought me answers to resolve the issues. Not all the experiences were between my husband and me. I still attracted death experiences as going off cliffs at the Grand Canyon and in Banff, Canada. One time I drove into a cement bridge abutment, as I did not want to go home to more attacks.

I found answers to help bring the answers to heal while moving into a higher conscious for spiritual growth and responding in loving solutions. God told me I had to experience the events to be on the same emotional level of those I would be helping; God explained that I had to go through these experiences so in helping others they would see that they too could come out on the other side. The knowledge I learned from these experiences became answers I now share with others through my work. .

Ultimately, I know today that no one can fix me. All my books, teaching, counseling, mediumship, Youtubes, blog, and web sites are about sharing my experience, strength, and hope for helping those looking for assistance and answers. I am responsible for all my life. It is an inside job to heal the past harms to live in the NOW. It is a gift and why it is called THE PRESENT.

After my divorce, a new life opened up to becoming a spiritual minister with opportunities, training, and talents for the necessary understanding and ability for finding the origin of the circumstances. I am a spiritual being having a human experience on my way back to Source. My angels work with me as we find the path into healing others and myself from the past. I heal souls.

My work has motivated me in becoming an author of 11 books at Amazon. The Edgar Cayce's Association for Research and Enlightenment internationally distributes my books to prisons. I am in "Who’s Who in America" and in "Manchester's Who's Who for Professionals and Executives". In addition, I am on the International Board for Regression Therapy, IBRT, and on the American Board for Hypnotherapy. ABH.

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